On-demand delivery can satisfy consumer cravings


It goes without saying that we now live in a world of on-demand delivery. As merchants and their wheeled partners attempt logistical alchemy around that daunting last mile, our thoughts turn to what’s delivered and the demands that come with it.

No, no burritos and salads.

We mean things like custom potatoes. We mean four ounces of dirt – for $110.

Anything and everything is deliverable now, it seems. The trend has been wild throughout the pandemic as scared and/or lazy people scour subscription sites and marketplaces for offbeat items to feed their inner weirdness, have fun or break the monotony.

Starting with some weird special delivery rants, we turn to Uber Eats’ 2021 cravings report.

There we find that “no onions” is the number one guideline given for food delivery orders, but it doesn’t come close to the discursive instructions of what Uber calls “The Ramblers.”

These are actual instructions that customers sent with their orders last year. Here is our favorite:

“Oh you paragons of the art of baking, yon in this box the harvest of your art. Please hook me up with 10 maple bars or as close as possible (please don’t fill in, it’s too much raw maple. I know, you’re thinking “this guy needs to rise its maple tolerance” and you’re right, but I’m working on it, baby no.) And then a couple old-fashioned glazed as well. You are the real MVPs here doing the donut work, I’ll raise a glass to you…then I’ll put the glass down and stuff my face with donuts.

We don’t know this person, but we want to eat a donut with them just to see what happens.

Keeping with the food theme, let’s add some details to our opening potato teaser.

There’s nothing starchy about the vibe of Anonymous Potato, who will emblazon a personal message, an image of your face or an entire photo onto a giveaway potato and deliver it.

In fact, we found several personalized potato delivery services – Mystery Potato is also cool – which makes one wonder: didn’t potato gifts disappear in the 90s? Like, the 1790s? Does not seem to.

Tubers that are too docile for your taste? Do as you want, badass. See how you do with voodoo.

For the heathen in all of us, there’s Box of Shadows. This witchcraft subscription box service offers a few packs for the aspiring Wiccan, from “The Initiate” (altar decor, introductory books, and basic rituals) to “The Priestess” (they don’t even say not exactly what’s included, but there’s going to be profound), to “The Supreme”, promising to help “transform knowledge into practice”.

I don’t know what we think of the latter. If we see a neighbor receiving “The Supreme,” you better believe we’re sending them the best potato money can buy – and not anonymously.

In closing, we’d like to touch on the topic of subscription filth. It sounds simple. It’s not.

Last year, a dramatic saga from the ground up came to a dusty end when now-defunct subscription service BlackOxygen shut down amid mostly government issues with its magic dirt.

As NBC News reported in December, “Black Oxygen Organics, or ‘BOO’ for short, is hard to categorize. It was marketed as fulvic acid, a decaying plant-derived compound extracted from a bog in Ontario,” and added: “In simpler terms, the product is dirt – four and a half ounces of it, sealed in an elegant black plastic bag and sold for $110 plus shipping costs.

Do what you want with it. As for us, we are still hesitating between the Skulls Unlimited BoneBox subscription or the Letters From Dead People subscription.

Let’s go up to the Box of Shadows altar and ask. Then we should probably run.

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On: Forty-two percent of US consumers are more likely to open accounts with financial institutions that facilitate automatic sharing of their bank details upon sign-up. The PYMNTS study Account opening and loan management in the digital environmentsurveyed 2,300 consumers to explore how FIs can leverage open banking to engage customers and create a better account opening experience.

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